If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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