Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
