Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
