Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
