Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
