I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
