Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
