I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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