but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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