these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
