did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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