I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
