Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The air was thick with penises
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
