I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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