Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
