I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
