I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
