Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
