we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
