My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it penis luge time yet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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