I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
