so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
