My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
