I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
