my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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