you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
