I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
