You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
