I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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