Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
