If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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