Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
