You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
