my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
