Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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