Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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