u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize