called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
