i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
