I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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