He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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