Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How does it feel to date your dad?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
