Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
