I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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