Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
