people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
