I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We are all done wearing pants today
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
