Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
