I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
