At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
