Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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