I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
