Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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